So I was reading my old blog touchtheskiesx.wordpress.com and really enjoying reminiscing on old times when I realized that a few years from now, I will have no recollection of my thoughts and ideas and fears at this present moment because I haven’t bothered to write them down. There’s something so freakishly interesting about reading my old blog from 2010 because it doesn’t feel like the writing is mine— it almost feels like I’m reading about someone else’s life. As I read the words on the page, I try to put myself in the shoes of the writer (young Helen), and imagine what it was like to stress about finding a prom date, take seven (SEVEN?! Wow I was insane) AP exams in one week, and apply to college. It goes to show how much has changed in a span of a few short years. Now, I have new ideas, fears, and feelings.
I’ve been pretty terrible at blogging lately though, but for good reasons. Life has been so enjoyable…that I haven’t really stopped to write about it. Just enjoy it while it lasts, I suppose. I’ll have a few days off this week because of Spring Break, so I’ll finish the update later.
Usually, I post a year-end reflection before the new year, and a new year resolution post after the new year. Well, neither of those have happened yet, but it’s not too late to make resolutions!
1) Run a 10K. I did one last year, but was ill-prepared for it. It wasn’t so bad after all, but I wasn’t running competitively. To be honest…I think a normal sized person probably could have been briskly walking next to me…
2) Blog more. This makes my resolution list every single year, and I’ve failed again and again. THIS IS MY YEAR. I’ll try to be more open and honest, objective and vulnerable, and start posting random thoughts. No more “oh, I should blog about that!” moments in the shower that I ignore and let pass. This year, I plan to blog about EVERYTHING.
3) Apply to medical school. This is a huge internal conflict that I’ll blog about (see? I’m starting on #2 already!). In short, the fear of failing is preventing me from giving medical school a shot, and I’m not entirely sure if I’m ready to make sacrifices in the timing of my personal life (marriage, family, kids) in favor of a career I’ve been working for all my life. More on this during a later post.
4) Learn to manage stress. All throughout high school and my first year of college, I was all about the go-go-go life. Seven AP classes, 5 presidencies of extracurriculars, volunteering at the hospital, and tennis? No problem. Overloading classes, picking up three minors, applying to internships, partying like it’s my job, while pulling a 4.0? I ain’t even mad.
But come sophomore year, I’ve become more and more prone to stress with each semester. In some ways, it’s good because it keeps me humble and reminds me that it’s by God’s grace that I haven’t gone insane yet. On the other hand, it makes me lethargic, prone to getting sick, lose sleep, and it affects my relationships. Thankfully, I’ve met someone who keeps me grounded and accepts me for the worry-wart that I am. #Blessed.
This year, I’m going to try to 1) reduce my stress by lifting my worries to Christ and learning to share my burdens 2) stop thinking so far into the future, and stop being such a pessimist, and 3) do more yoga, quiet times, and meditation. Just generally be more…..zen.
5) Learn to love independence.
It’s funny because when my friends describe me, the most common term I hear is “independent” (“short” is a close second). I know I AM independent, but sometimes I feel as though it’s a result of my personality and upbringing— it’s just the way I am. But being independent is not the same thing as loving independence. Sure, I love making my own decisions and being self sufficient, but I also love constantly seeing my boyfriend, making dinner together, working on homework side by side, and exploring Cleveland with him. I realize it’s all a part of falling in love, but now there’s a certain degree of codependence that scares me. I love the stability and feeling of having someone to always talk to, confide in, and share my life with. That’s all going to change in May when he graduates. I’m dreading the fall semester when I return to the campus that we shared so many great memories at alone. This year, I resolve to embrace this period of separation. To use it as a time of self-improvement, God-seeking, and of course…a huge health kick.
6) Continue to be healthy! Drinking tea, making healthy choices when I go out to eat, not confusing boredom with hunger, etc. I’ve been doing pretty well with this, but some new resolutions:
- Drink coffee black
- Make my own green juice with my juicer (instead of buying the store-made stuff that costs the equivalent of liquid gold practically. Ok, not really…but it’s really expensive!)
- Do a pre-shower work out, every time. Even a couple calf raises or crunches will do!
- Start running during the school year. I am a total fair-weather runner (I don’t even do treadmills!) which really limits the amount of running I can do during the year. I need to just suck it up and get out there!
7) Manage my finances better.
I am absolutely TERRIBLE with money. The first step to improvement is admission, right? This year, I’m going to be much more wary of my finances and savings, and take these steps to saving money:
- Shop at Giant Eagle and Aldi’s instead of Whole foods and Trader Joe’s.
- Make my own coffee instead of visiting Starbucks twice a day
- Packing lunch instead of eating out every day
- No more impulsive shopping. If there’s a sale online, put the items in the cart and wait 2 days. Then decide whether I really want it or not. If the items are gone, then maybe it wasn’t meant to be anyway!
- Planning dinners ahead of time and making grocery lists.
8) Keep crafting! Knitting, painting, scrapbooking, etc. It’s stress relieving…unless I’m doing it to procrastinate.
9) Be more patient and kind. More understanding and forgiving. I know I have a sharp tongue and have a hard time controlling it. I hope to be better at seeing all perspectives and being more gentle this year!
That’s all for now.
Peace, love, and resolutions,
Winter break is a time to…
Peace, love, and relaxation,
Oh my…the inner struggles of a lazy blogger. All my good intentions gone to waste. I’ve found that I blog more when life is boring, and much less when there’s actually things to blog about. My last post was written during my last week of work in Milwaukee. Since then…
1) Caught up with friends from high school. We always pick up right where we left off, as if we’d never been apart. It’s always comforting to be able to go home and see familiar faces.
2) Recorded and posted me and Krista’s annual cover video for wetheyearbookies, a youtube account we created back in high school when she first started learning guitar.
3) Bought new shoes, crossing my fingers and hoping that my health kick would continue once I got back to campus. I’ve been doing alright…I’m definitely much more lazy about working out, but I think i’ve been doing alright in terms of eating healthy! Still being a health snob, I guess.
4) Baked a cake with daddy! I don’t like sweets— the sponge cake my dad makes is one of the only cakes I’ll eat.
5) Moved into my apartment on campus! UNPACKING TOOK FOREVER. Room tour to come once I finish decorating!
6) Moved in with my best friends!
7) Spent time with my little! I’m obsessed with my little. UGH I CAN’T EVEN CONTAIN MY LOVE FOR HER.
My little has the best bikini bod ever. #jealous
8) Got crafty.
9) Bought new tea cups, tea, and strainer! Also started blending my own tea
10) Made mini mint-colored cupcakes!
Cheers to a new school year!
Peace, love, and sprinkles,
I have countless half-written in diaries from when I was little. I always saw a newer, prettier, more frou-frou diary at the store, and my parents would always give in and buy it for me. My parents didn’t like to buy us toys or anything “fun” in fear that it would distract us from our studies, but they always bought me diaries because they thought it was healthy and “cultivated the mind.”
I remember when blogging became big. I always liked to write…my elementary school teachers always encouraged me and submitted my poetry to all sorts of different competitions. I made my start on Xanga. Soon enough, I just about as many blogs as I did half-written diaries. I would create one, write for a few months, then decide that my domain-name was stupid and trade it in for what I thought sounded cooler (though, no doubt was equally as stupid). I deleted many of my older blogs throughout high school— a move that I stick kick myself for to this day. I would love to still have some sort of representation of 6th-grade Helen…what were my thoughts, obsessions, ponderings…
I still have a couple old blogs, though. Putting them here makes me wince, but I got a couple good laughs out of finding these:
This is the farthest-back blog I can find, from 2006: http://chibiazncheer13.xanga.com/
I was 13. Prepare to feel a wave of complete and utter sorriness for this confused, awkward, little girl:
Stop. SHUT THE FRONT DOOR. Apparently I haven’t changed much…my weakness is still cUt3 aZn gUyZ!!! I feel bad for you, little girl.
Apparently I was also obsessed with a boy named Kyle. I can’t for the life of me remember who this is…
Ahh, yes. I remember that I thought I was the coolest, youngest “web developer” in middle school. I thought I was so cool because I knew about hex codes and html </notcool>. My myspace layout changed on the daily…
Then there was http://xxbluexwaterxx.xanga.com in 2008. I was 15 at the time, and significantly less obnoxious and infatuated with said “cUt3 aZn gUyZ.”
Smart, 15-year old Helen. 20-year old Helen applauds your foresight and is indeed having those “oh yeah…i remember!!!” moments. Thankfully, older Helen has learned to use triple exclamation points sparingly. Either that, or she has become more cynical, ever so slightly more grown-up, and is generally less excitable…
The engineer in me is smiling fondly and wants to pat young Helen on the back. Actually, I’m going to stop and pat myself on the back right now. Good job, young grasshopper. You followed your heart and are very content at your nerdy grown-up job.
Then there was http://touchtheskiesx.wordpress.com/2010/01/page/2/ in 2010. I was 16 years old when I started the blog on January 3rd…I’m starting to see a correlation between the new year and opening new blogs….
This blog is great. I read it and think, dang, girl…you are spunky. I laugh at my own jokes. I smile when I realize how bright and happy and excited I was:
Jan. 3rd, 2010:
I found this gem on my old blog:
This is funny for a few reasons: Firstly, I (FINALLY) stopped biting my nails. They’re actually quite pretty now. Also, I started getting my nails done (french acryllics, princess tips, duhhh) in college. They make me feel much more put together and professional…but they really hinder my piano playing. I get them every once in a while when I think I deserve the treat.
Somewhere between chibiazncheer13 and xxbluexwaterxx (where the heck was I getting these names from??), I had another blog at http://cheergirl77lol.xanga.com/, but I think because xanga has been grandfathered, the layout is distorted and nothing shows up. Sad…I wish I could fill in the gaps between 2006 and 2008.
I currently maintain 5 blogs; this is my only fully public one. The others are for private use— perhaps I’ll write about them in the future. Other old blog I had…
Why yes, I do like to take my anger out on inanimate objects by dissing them online. I feel like my commitment issues go far beyond just relationships….I have all these blogs that I commit to for a few months, and then leave to rot for years…Maybe I’ll pick up that blog again. I do have a bone to pick with manilla envelopes and windows Task Manager.
That’s all for now. Hopefully I won’t abandon this blog, ever. Maybe in a few years I’ll look back at this post of me making fun of my younger self and write another post making fun of my younger self making fun of my even younger self.
Peace, love, and making-fun-of-younger-self-inception,
I’ve been ridiculously blessed this summer- happier than I’ve ever been! I think it was a combination of being in a new place, having time to myself, and a little bit of soul-searching…
But one of the best moments of the summer was simply a thought— a realization, a “light-bulb moment,” if you will.
I was doing a long run on the beach after work. I’m enjoying this whole running thing more and more, especially as I build up mileage and cut off time. I’m learning to think about more sophisticated things than “SKINNY THIGHS, TONED BUTT. SKINNY THIGHS, TONED BUTT” and “WERK IT TWERK IT WERKWERKWERK.”
Who knows what I was thinking about at the time, but as I was taking in the gorgeous scenery of Bradford beach and Lake Michigan, it occurred to me: I’m ok. No, better than ok. I’m wonderful. I had to stop in my tracks and pause the obnoxious electropop I was listening to.
You know that feeling, right? After a painful break up, the first week is devastating, then the next couple weeks after are filled with tentative “testing-of-the-waters.” Am I over him yet? Can I resume my normal life without fearing that some object, store, gesture, or walkway will bring back painful memories and feelings of loss, anger, and longing? And so it goes, for days and days. It gets easier and easier with each day until you barely think about it at all, but there’s always that one moment of weakness that ruins your mood— for me, it often something as simple as seeing a cute picture of a kitten on the internet (ugh, forever a cat-lady) and thinking, “I need to to text this to……..oh wait….”
But fear not, that doesn’t last forever!
I’m writing this post for one dear friend in particular who is going through a tough break up. Keep your chin up, girl! One day, you’ll be running along the beach and suddenly stop in your tracks. You’ll realize that you haven’t had the slightest figment of thought about him in days….no, maybe it’s been weeks! You have no more anger against him, and can barely recall the bad parts of the relationship. There’s no more wanting or longing or regretting what had been— you’re grateful for the good times you spent together, but know with all your heart that it wasn’t meant to be. And that’s ok. And you’re ok. You’re more than ok, you’re wonderful. Your happiness depends fully on yourself, no longer tied to another person who might have other plans. Life is good, so live it up!
Love you, my rhubarb-cake baking, crazy tissue paper hat making, post-it-note loving friend! Can’t wait to see you soon :)
Peace, love, and mona lisa,
I’ve always been someone who gets what she wants. No, let me rephrase. I’ve always been someone who goes out and gets what she wants. I’m a go-getter, I suppose. Want good grades? Library till 3am. Want to master the piano? Lock yourself in a practice room at Hochstein until your fingers fall off. Looking for those perfect pair of shoes? Hit every mall within a 50 mile radius until you find them.
The problem is…you can’t treat everything in life as if it’s a pair of sought-after shoes. You can’t go looking for love. Well, you can…but I’ve heard that all you’ll find is trouble.
It’s a hard thing for my spastic, control-freak nature to accept. Perhaps you’ll think I’m a bit neurotic, which I’ll have to admit that I am. On the other hand, should you also enjoy stressing about things in the far future that you can’t control, we should totally obsess and stress over a cup of coffee. Hit me up.
First and foremost, I’m currently the tender age of 20. But does anyone else feel the societal clock tick-tick-ticking? Bear with me for a moment:
The average age of marriage in the US for women is 26.6 (2012, US Census Bureau), but I always thought I would by the type to get married fairly young— idealistically, between 24-26. I’d like to have 3 kids, so getting that done and over with in my early 30s would be nice…while I still have the energy and patience to chase after them and get back into tip top shape. Having been through a few relationships now, I’ve found that it really does take quite some time to get to know someone. Idealistically, I’d like to date someone for about 2 years before even considering getting engaged. Throw in another 6 months for the poor guy to get his wits together and propose, and another year for wedding preparations. So if I were going to get married between 24-26, I’d have to start dating the guy between the ages of 20.5 and 22.5! And you never actually start dating right away— there’s always a couple months of the picking petals off of flowers “he loves me, he loves me not” game. WELP. Where did the time go? I’m already past 20.5…so I suppose it’s game on! LET’S GO GET HIM!
BUT WAIT. The whole point of this post was to remind myself that you can’t go looking for love. And societal clocks are stupid. And the best laid schemes of mice and men often go awry. Love just happens, right? Right person, right time. So I’m going to suppress the inner control freak and sit real pretty waiting for Mr. Right. Just hurry up, ok?
Peace, love, control-freak-be-gone,